Angry letters to writers
by RJStephenson
Summary: Characters we love and cherish in HP universe are getting frustrated by certain ways they were being portrayed. So, they decided to send the Fanfiction writers a letter to set things straight. Inspiration comes from writers who wrote same things, but never copied them word to word.
1. Chapter 1: Harry

Angry letter to writers

A/N: I've been reading these fics and OMG I just love them sooooo much! So I said, you know what? Why not write one? This not only helps me with my writers block but it also helps me express my opinion about few things in fics. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Harry Potter. Also, some were inspired by various writers who wrote the similar things, but I repeat, I NEVER plagiarized. Never did, never will.

Chapter 1: Harry Potter

Dear Fanficiton writers

Alright, I have lots of things to say and I don't even know where to begin! Well let's go one by one.

My name is Harry James Potter. Harry, stands for Harry. Nothing else.

I do not have a brother or sister. Also, unfortunately, Dursleys are my only living relatives. I do not have any other uncles or aunts in my mother's side or my father's side. My grandparents also died long time ago, about when I was one and before my parents were killed. Again, I am an only child and I do not have a twin. I do not have a twin who got separated from birth.

I repeat, I WILL NEVER GO DARK OR JOIN VOLDEMORT. He killed my parents for goodness sake! How could I do such thing and disgrace my parent's memory?

Also, another thing. Let's say I do have a twin and he or she was called the boy who lived or girl who lived. How dare you suggest that just because my sibling is the hero, my parents would neglect me or abandon me? You people should be ashamed of yourself.

Last time I checked, I am a male.

Last time I checked, James Potter is my father, and I'm proud. Sirius, Snape (yikes) and Voldemort (WHAT!) is not my father.

And finally, the thing I found most ridiculous. The pairings. Let me explain step by step why it's absurd.

Hermione: Ok, for some reason this is extremely popular. I will admit I love Hermione… AS A SISTER. Honestly, I never even thought about dating Hermione. Ron would have had my skin!

Malfoy: ME? WITH HIM? I'll have you know, I am straight. Even if I was homosexual, I would never date this ferret faced ponce. I DO NOT LOVE HIM.

Luna: Look, I get that Luna is a nice girl and all. But still, that doesn't mean I wanted to date her or anything. I asked her to go to Slughorn's party as a friend. In reality, I wanted to take someone else…. (sigh)

Cho: God, you never let me live this down do you? Yes, I had bit of a feeling for Cho at 5th year, but come on! It was temporary, and anyone could see the relationship isn't going to work out.

Bellatrix: Me, with Bellatrix. Voldemort's top death eater. The psychotic death eater who drove Neville's parents to insanity and killed my godfather. Me with her.

Snape: Look, I admit I am grateful for Snape for protecting me all these years. That doesn't mean I love him. In case you didn't notice, he spent first 6 of my Hogwarts year hating my very existence!

Fleur: Fleur is easy to look at. There I admit it. Are we close? Definitely, especially since we both went through Triwizard. Do we love each other? Yes. In a manner sister in law loves a brother in law. Do we want to snog each other? No.

Katie, Angelina, Alicia: We are team. We work together in Quidditch field. They were like my older sisters. If Hermione is the older sister who preaches me about studying, they were my older sisters who played sports with me. Also, why do I always get hooked up with all three of them in the fics?

Susan Bones/Lisa Turpin/Su Li etc: Umm... Are you talking about the Dumbledore's army members? Cause, that's as far as my relationship goes with those girls.

Narcissa Malfoy: The Ferret face's mom? Really? If I had to date someone, I rather date some one who isn't frowning all the time. Besides, I prefer red head. (not red heads, but **the red head** )

Mrs Weasley: Come on. She's like my mother. Also, Mrs Weasley would never cheat on Mr Weasley. They love each other very much.

My mother: Incest is wrong. While I wish I had my mother by my side, it does not mean I wish to be involved with her in a romantic way.

My daughter Lily and my nieces: Do I look like a pedophile?

Voldemort. No. Just no. Alright?

Just admit it. Ginny is the perfect girl for me. And no, SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE MY MOTHER. Ginny did have a crush on me, but she eventually grow out of it and became the strong women I came to love. Would I have married her if there was anything else? No. Let me make this clear. I LOVE GINNY. PERIOD.

Sincerely, Harry Potter.

P.S, when I give myself a fake name, can it please be something else besides James Evans, James Evanson or Daniel?

P.P.S I would like to thank those who wrote story between me and Ginny. Many of them really showed me I could have noticed her earlier.

P.P.P.S Sadly, my parents didn't keep a portrait of themselves. Only time I actually got to talk to them was at the graveyard and with the stone.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Also, while some chapters (like ones with the main characters) will be long, some will be shorter than this. What do you think? Please leave a review!


	2. Chapter 2: Ron

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 2: Ron Weasley

Dear Fanficiton writers

Bloody hell. What you muggle writers come up is just weird! (No offence Hermione)

Alright first of all, YES I admit it, I was a jealous prick during my 4th year. I admit it. But that is no reason to totally betray Harry. Please. Believe me when I say Harry is like my brother. (brother in law now)

Also, some write about me being super protective of Hermione and she gets sick of it and breaks up with me and I get all possessive and abuse her. Umm… Are we talking about same Hermione? The smart, strong, beautiful, gorgeous, elegant… sorry I got side tracked. That Hermione, girl who slugged Malfoy in the face, accepts abuse from me? Seriously, are we talking about same people?

Also, that fiasco with Lavender? I'm sorry alright! I should have thought of better ways to make Hermione jealous then dating her. I still shudder when I hear anything that sound like _Won-Won._ (shudder)

And finally, the one I found out to be most amazingly stupid. I get paid by Dumbledore to be Harry's friend? Seriously? First of all, why would I do such thing? Oh, so I can get _fame and fortune_ I always desired? I'll have you know, I'm a Weasley. Weasleys are proud light family. We rather die then gain fortune in a manner like that. We are not Malfoys you know.

Also, I was 11 when I met Harry. If I pretended to be his friends, I would have been all awkward. If Harry didn't notice that I was acting very awkward, it either means he is stupid (which, the defeater of you-kno- I mean Voldemort, clearly isn't) or that I am great actor. Hermione actually laughed when she read those fics and said if this was true, I should become an actor in the muggle world.

Also, let's say Dumbledore really paid an Weasley to be Harry's friend to "guide" him through the right way. Why me? Why not someone older? Like, Percy or the twins? I don't think it makes sense Dumbledore would ever give such big task to a 11 year old.

I'm going to say it again. I was a jealous prick at one time. But I outgrew it. Why would I need to be jealous anymore? I have a brilliant wife, 2 kids, amazing job at WWW and a great family.

Oh, and for the record? I don't mind Harry dated my sister. I was always silently hoping they get together.

Sincerely, Ron Weasley

P.S Hermione with that slimy ferret? NO WAY! That goes same for my daughter Rose and that ferret's spawn!

P. P.S I would like to thank you all for at least writing my name properly. Ronald Bilius Weasley. Ha ha! Harry and Hermione's not having much luck are they?

P. P.P.S If I really become an actor, I should give myself a name. I want to keep the letter R, so what should I use? Maybe, Rupert?

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Also, while some chapters (like ones with the main characters) will be long, some will be shorter than this. What do you think? Please leave a review!


	3. Chapter 3: Hermione

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 3: Hermione Weasley

Dear Fanficiton writers

Wow, things some people come up with. I'm amazed. (sigh) Let's get this over with.

First of all, what surprisingly many of you didn't know. My name is Hermione JEAN Weasley (Nee Granger). It's not Hermione JANE Weasley. Jane is middle name of that horrid Umbridge women.

I admit, I was a girl who trusted the authority figure and always took things too logically. But I didn't completely trust authority figure. I never trusted Fudge or Umbridge. Also, I may take things logically, but I am capable of solving problems through my heart.

I admit I was bit pretentious with S.P.E.W (Yes Ronald, it's S.P.E.W not Spew!) Back then, I really thought I was doing what was right! I shouldn't have tried to force elves to be free. I now know that's actually extremely cruel to them. That's why I work at the Department of Magical Creatures so I can promote welfare laws, instead of hiding clothings in the tower.

I would never get jealous if someone gets a better mark than me. Especially if it is Harry. If a person got a better mark than me, then they must have studied harder than me. If Harry started to take his studies more seriously at Hogwarts, I would be happy and proud for him. I would never accuse him of practicing into dark arts to gain knowledge.

As for the pairing, I don't get why so many people dislike me being with Ron. I understand he was thick, tempered git who broke my heart at 4th year and viewed me as a easy way ticket out of homework for a while. But he became a man who is brave, loyal and genuinely cared for me. When Bellatrix was torturing me, only thing that kept me sane was hearing Ron's voice.

Ok, let's look at this deeply. First why is this popular? Me with Draco Malfoy. No. Sorry, I understand he changed and all but still it's very hard to forget what he said and did to me all these years at Hogwarts. Also, really? 8th year? There is only 7 years in Hogwarts.

Viktor? Viktor was nice and all and I admit I kissed him under the mistletoe at Yule Ball (Don't tell Ron!) but we are friends. We are just good friends. Even if I did date him, I don't think that far distance will work out.

Ginny, my sister in law, was like my sister. Being an only girl, I thought being friends with Ginny was like having a little sister that I could talk to. I am also straight.

Finally, Harry? Harry's my brother in all but blood. That's it. Nothing more and nothing less.

Another thing I don't understand is many writers believe I would hold grudge against Ginny for the chamber incident. Why? It's not Ginny's fault she was being controlled by soul of Voldemort. How could an 11 year old fight against it?

And please. One of the fics that made me speechless for about 5 minute was me being half cat. Madam Pomfrey is a very skilled healer. That incident with Polyjuice potion did not turn me into half cat or give me any hair problem. Only cat you should associate with me is my cat Crookshanks. I do not have cat ears, I do not purr, I do not have tails.

As for the most ridiculous thing I ever had the displeasure of reading, it was a fic where I was paid by Dumbledore to be Harry's friend. First of all, did you know I never had much friend growing up? I was always the bookworm, nerd, bushy haired buck tooth. I would make genuine friends, because I never had them in my younger years. I would never become someone's "friend" because some person paid me so I can get more books. Knowledge acquired through such means is not a knowledge but a treachery.

That being said, while I loved being prefect, I would never be friends with someone because the Headmaster guaranteed me a spot ad prefect/head girl. I would rather work hard and prove I deserve those titles. If I got them this way, what difference would it be from corrupt system that I despise so much?

Oh, and Ron agreed with this, if Harry ever gets put on trial, we will do anything, and we mean ANYTHING to have him testify under influence of veritaserum. We will never blatantly accuse him of going dark, no matter how much the evidence seems "valid."

Sincerely, Hermione Weasley, nee Granger

P.S I am not Ron's beauty (though Ron thinks I am (giggle)) and Ron is not my beast.

P.P.S Unlike Ron, I don't mind Scorpius fancies Rose. Don't tell Ron! He'll lose it.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	4. Chapter 4: Ginny

Angry letter to writers

A/N: Previously said Do you see a V there? Thank you Proganthony for pointing out that error.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 4: Ginny Potter

Dear Fanficiton writers

Get a parchment and a quill please. Then please write this down word to word: GINEVRA MOLLY POTTER NEE WEASLEY. Do you see any part that starts with V there? I don't. This means, my name isn't Virginia. It's Ginevra, name that comes from Guinevere. My middle name is Molly. Not Mary or any other name that starts with M. It's Molly, as in my mother's name.

One of the things I found out most disturbing is the fact that Harry married me because I look like his mother. Umm.. Do I look like Lily Potter? Do I have green eyes? Oh, we both have red hairs! Of course! Having same hair color with another person automatically makes you their twin! How could I have not known that! Wait, then this means... Harry looks just like Snape because they both have black hair! Wow!

One thing people misunderstand about me: I AM NOT A SLAG (or scarlet women. Whichever you prefer) I had 3 boyfriend and ended up marrying the last one. That does not qualify me to make me a slag. I did not go around snogging and shagging any boy I could get my hand on. Just imagine what my mom's howler would say if I ever did that! (yikes)

One of the fanfic that made me furious was the ones involving me using a love potion on me. ME use a love potion on Harry. Harry had to take my wand away for at least an hour after I read that. First of all, do you know how people under influence of love potion acts? They get sudden crazy obession for a certain person, stares into nothing and thinks only about that person and overall, acts like someone under imperius. Now has Harry ever acted like that? I don't think so.

Also some people say I probably drugged Harry to snatch his fortune. I'm pretty sure Ron already mentioned this but WEASLEYS ARE PROUD PEOPLE WHO REFUSES TO GAIN WEALTH IN SUCH HORRID WAY.

Some people accused me of being a rabid crazy stalking fan girl. I admit I had a bit of a crush (ok, fine. A HUGE crush) on Harry when I was young. But thing is, who didn't at that age? Almost all girls who grew up hearing the story about the Boy-Who-Lived wanted to become Mrs Potter. I outgrew that crush and I showed Harry that I am a more than just a shy girl who stutters and dips elbows into butter dishes whenever I saw him. My crush became a much deeper feeling for him. Also, I'm a rabid stalker? I never stalked Harry. If anybody stalked Harry, it was Colin. If I didn't outgrew myself as the little girl with a hero crush, Harry would never have loved me.

For the record, I never ever made Harry do anything against his will. If Harry never loved me and I had to put him under love potion to have a relationship, I rather not have any relationship at all. I would only be happy if he genuinely loved me, and he does. I would never get whiny or obsessive just because Harry refuses to acknoweldge be as something besides best friend's baby sister.

Now let's talk about what I found even more disturbing than what I already talked about. Ships.

Draco Malfoy: Me. With that amazing bouncing ferret. No. Harry and Ron kindly asks not to associate me and Hermione with him.

Sirius: Are you sirius? (Sorry Sirius) He's old enough to be my father and is basically Harry's father. We are close, but not this close.

Colin: Colin is just a good friend. He was my first friend when I came to Hogwarts. I also don't think he swings this way. (Sigh… I miss you Colin, and so does Harry.)

Bill/Charlie/Percy/Fred/George/Ron: AHHHH! You people sicken me!

Snape: While Harry might respect this man, I do not respect him like Harry does. (But I do respect him enough to name my child's name after him) Sure, he protected Harry all these years, but he was a downright prat to him!

Neville: Neville and I went to Yule Ball. We got closer during my 6th year when Harry was out hunting Horcrux. We are loyal Dumbledore's army members. We are great friends. We are not lovers.

James/Albus/Teddy and my nephews: I think what Harry said perfectly summarized my opinion: Do I look like a pedophile?

Scorpius: While he may not be like his father, I would never romantically be involved with my son's best friend. Besides, he has an eye on certain bushy haired bookworm. (NO! I don't mean Hermione you pervs.)

Luna/Hermione: Sorry, I don't swing this way. Even if I did, I doubt I will date them. Not that they are ugly or anything, but they are my sister in all but blood. I'm sure I made it perfectly clear how I feel about incest. Luna is perfectly happy with Rolf and Hermione loves Ron very much.

Tom Riddle: This is the bastard that took away my childhood quickly. I still shudder when I see a diary. Me fell in love with him. I was speechless when I read this. Tom Riddle might have been a "handsome" black haired hot guy, but to me, it means nothing but that that monster actually resembled human at one point. I only know 1 person who is a handsome black haired hot guy. (Plus an amazing green eyes!)

I will make this clear. I would never put Harry under relationship he doesn't want to be part of, I am not a crazy fan girl and I am not a slag. I LOVE HARRY. Always have, always will.

Sincerely, Ginny Potter, nee Weasley

P.S When I have a fake name, can the last name be something rather than Wesley? Wesley, Weasley. Come on, please?

P.P.S HOLYHEAD HARPIES FOREVER!

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	5. Chapter 5: Draco

Angry letter to writers

A/N: Ismaran: No. To me, defintion of slag is someone without standards. I don't think number of boyfriend/partner matters. The real point is that someone without standards is a slag. I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend had like 20 boy friends before me. Women with active sex life does not equal to slag. I mean, there are plenty of of women with active sex life but that doesn't mean they all have low standards. Also, I believe slag is someone who neglects her duty just for the sake of sex. There are women who have careers, works hard and still have active sex life without being in a relationship. That is not a slag.

tired mommy: Thanks for pointing out this error.

Perviously said Professor Snape is my god father. No where in the books or the movies did once they say Snape is Malfoy's god father.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 5: Draco Malfoy

Dear Fanficiton writers

You muggles are sickening. How dare you portray me, Draco Malfoy in this way? This is not only degrading, but also an insult to Malfoy honor.

Enough with the ferret thing! I will have you know, my face is not shaped like a ferret! Also, I don't spend hours perfecting my hair! My hair maybe perfect but I don't spend ages looking at them! I'm not some love struck girl you know.

I will also have you know, my parents love me very much. My father is not abusive and he loves my mother. He never ever laid a single hand on me! My father does not abuse my mother or me. What do you think he is, some kind of violent mudblood?

Why do you think I would be shocked when I find out Harry Potter has been abused? Sure I would be appalled. How dare those filthy muggles treat a wizard that way. But me? Shocked at Potter's life? Like I care about Potter. This just proves my point about why muggles should exterminated from this world.

Also, please kindly tell me why you think I will ever fall in love with that know it all Granger. A Malfoy fells in love with a mudblood. A mudblood who is also Hogwart's biggest know it all. I have standards you know.

Also, me with Weaslette? Sure, she's a pureblood and at least not a mudblood like Granger, but still. She's blood traitor. A blood traitor who has virtually nothing. She is unworthy to even look at noble Malfoy.

Pansy Parkinson was that clingy girl from school. Nothing else. She may be a non blood traitor pure blood but I rather have a pure blood wife who actually looks decent. This pug faced girl is unsuitable to be my bride.

Professor Snape is not my godfather. He is my potion's teacher. That's it. Nothing else. We are not in love. I mean, this just shows you muggles are low twisted sickening scum. I am not homosexual.

Finally, me with Potter? First, I sympathize Potter and now, I love him? Do you muggles even have brain? I rather feel a cruciatus curse 100 times then love that half blood. Words fail me about how flabbergasted I was when I saw how popular this was. Damn all you muggles to hell!

I may not serve the Dark Lord anymore, but I still believe Muggles are beneath me. Also, last thing I would like to make it perfectly clear. I am a Malfoy. Do you stupid muggles know what this means? It means I'm a pure blood. It also means I am not part vampire or veela. Do you understand that?

Sincerely, Draco Malfoy

P.S You muggles think I'm hot? Hmph. At least you muggles have good taste.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	6. Chapter 6: Founders

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 6: The Founders

Dear Fanficiton writers

Why don't we count? Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff and Salazar Slytherin. That's four. 4 people created Hogwarts. These four people also created the houses of Hogwarts. Do you know what this means? If you guessed that it means there are only four houses and no extra secret house, you are correct!

We would also like to point out that while we were all very close at one point, we were never romantically involved with each other. Godric and Rowena were never lovers, Helga and Salazar were not lovers either. If Godric and Rowena were lovers, that means the Grey Lady (Helena) is Godric's daughter. And no, she isn't.

Also, Salazar really did hate muggles. He left school due to the fact that his hatred towards muggles grew and grew, to the point it became a huge issue with the other three founders.

We will summarize it again. 4 founders means 4 house. None of them were lovers and Salazar was a muggle hater.

Sincerely, The Founders

P.S Salazar would like to say Parseltongue (ability to talk to snake) exists but there is no such thing as Parselmagic.

P.P.S Our name is not Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy.

P.P.P.S While Godric saw and loved many lions in the world, he has never acquainted himself with a gigantic talking lion called Aslan. None of us have.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	7. Chapter 7: Crabbe and Goyle

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 7: Crabbe and Goyle

Deer Fanficiton riters

Why do stoopid mugbloods think we are Mafoy bodi guard? Crabe and Goil is rich family. Us dontz need Mafoy money. We is nut Mafoys mussle.

We is proud pureblood and donz kare about be paid by Mafoy father. We are also not stoopid.

Sinserely Crabe and Goil

S.P We dontz reed muggle books. Coling us Twidle Dum and Twiddle dummber does not insult we.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	8. Chapter 8: Goblins

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 8: Goblins

Dear Fanficiton writers

Humans, you are highly misinformed about us Goblins. Please refrain from spreading false knoweldge.

First, us Goblins do not listen to command of the wizard. We at the Gringotts would never seal someone's will, hide someone's heritage or inheritance. For all we care, Merlin himself could come to us and we still wouldn't care about what he says.

We are not bloodthirsty monsters. We are shrewd. We are strict. We like to keep our law. That doesn't mean we will constantly pull out our blade and use it against humans.

Goblin warriors fight for their own kin. No matter how rich you are, us Goblins would never hire out our own kin for them to work for humans.

While highly amusing concept, us Goblins would never raise a human child. We will just send them to the nearest orphanage. No human has called a goblin father or mother and no goblin has regarded a human as their offspring.

Sincerely Goblins

P.S Goblins are the only beings who controls a bank. Elves, fairies, pixies and other creatures do not run a bank.

A/N: These last few chapters were bit short, so that is why I decided to upload three at a time. What do you think? Thank you all for those who left a review!


	9. Chapter 9: Merlin

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 9: Merlin

Dear Fanficiton writers

What many people seemed to have mistaken is the fact that I attended Hogwarts, and I was a Slytherin.

This means, the 4 founders were not my child. How could I be father of someone older then me?

Also, I did not have a child. It means, my "Heir" doesn't exist. What I found to be rather disturbing is that some people wrote about me having an heir with Morgan Le Fay. We were enemies. That never happened.

Please refrain yourself from writing me as the founders father. It is highly inaccurate. Why, that would be like saying Harry Potter is father of Albus Dumbledore!

Sincerely Merlin

P.S Merlin's beard! Is a bit of an overused phrase. Don't you think? Of course, I shouldn't complain since some people say Morgan's t***.

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	10. Chapter 10: James Potter

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 10: James Potter

Dear Fanficiton writers

Ha! These fanfictions are so weird!

I saw one about my dear Lily flower and Snape. Really? I mean come on! She's my wife you know! And Snivellus… I mean Snape,. He's my enemy. Highly amusing and highly disgusting at the same time.

Also, look, I was a bully, or "An Arrogant Toerag" as my wife so eloquently put together. Yes, I threw hex around at everyone. Yes, I was an egotistical jerk. Yes, asking a same girl over and over did not make a good impression. But I swear, I changed. I stopped bullying others, stopped being a such an egotist and I actually showed Lily I am worthy for her love.

Also, what I found out that was so shocking, I would use a love potion and an imperius curse on Lily to keep her love me. No. Potters are light wizards and if I did this, I would be stepping down on Death Eater level. I want Lily's genuine love, not some hoax created with potion.

Also, me be an abusive husband to Lily. Me. I be abusive to a girl I loved ever since I saw her. Does that make sense to you? Also, Lily was an exceptionally bright student. Just ask Slughorn. She will never take abuse from me.

Also, Marauder's were close but we weren't that close. We were brothers (except for that dirty rat bastard grr...). We don't swing that way you know.

Lastly, I guarantee you, Harry is mine and Lily's. What was that thing Lily told me once Zenetics? Genetics? I don't know. But still, doesn't Harry's appearance show that he's my son? He is not Sirius or Snape's child. He is my child and I will protect him forever, even if that costs me my life.

Sincerely James Potter

P.S I swear, you should have seen old Moony and Padfoot's face when they read Sirius/Remus fics. I am going to store that in a pensive and look at it everyday!

P.P.S Ha Ha Ha. Me in Stag party. How amusing.

P.P.P.S Also, if Harry did have a twin, I would like to tell you I will love both my child equally. I will never favor one child over another and certainly NEVER be abusive or neglectful.

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	11. Chapter 11: Lily Potter

Angry letter to writers

A/N: Yikes. I made a huge mistake here. I accidentally put Patronus, instead of Boggart. Thank you, to the Guest who pointed that out.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 11: Lily Potter, Nee Evans

Dear Fanficiton writers

Severus and Lily fanfiction? Never going to happen.

Severus was my friend. Nothing more, nothing less. At one point, I might have started to have feelings towards him. But that all disappeared when he started to indulge himself in the Dark Arts, thinking that will impress me. That was his foolish choice. Why would I find anyone who joins a organization whose goal is to exterminate people like me impressive? He chose his own way, and I chose mine.

In fact, Severus went to Dumbledore and asked him to protect me. While I'm grateful for that, did he care if my husband or my baby lived? No, in fact he didn't care if Voldemort killed them or tortured him. If Severus really believed I would be grateful to him because he only asked me to spare me, I'm sorry, but he is not as smart as I believed he was. How would I have a happy life when my love and my child died?

Also, one thing people misunderstand about me. I did not marry James so I can get back at Severus. During my first 5 years at Hogwarts, I despised James for being an "Arrogant Toerag" (my own word). I still despised James for a while even after the "Mudblood incident." Later years, when James deflated his head and acted more maturely, I started to fall in love with me. If he carried on his way of being who he was, I would have never fall in love with me. Do you really think I would have married someone I hated just so I can have revenge on a friend who called me a derogatory term? If I wanted revenge, I would have looked for other ways.

Also, I truly love James. He did not force marriage on me or anything. As I said, James showed me he could change, showing there is a side of him that I would grow to love.

Also another thing. I don't think I would be automatically be able to forgive Severus. While I am very grateful that he thought of me specially all these years and protected my son, what he done after is just not something to be forgive easily.

One thing that infuriated me most was the way he treated Harry. Harry may look like James but he is a different person. If Severus truly felt sorry for what he did, he could have started it new with Harry. But what does he do the very first time he see's him? Accuse him of being a celebrity. He refuses to even get to know Harry to see if he is really an arrogant man like his father once was. That is hard to forgive.

Another thing that shocked me even more was the way he treated Neville. Severus treated Neville so harshly. If he did that because he believed that if Neville became the Boy-Who-Loved, I would have lived, I am appalled. Neville's fate was just as bad, if not worse than Harry's. While his parents may be alive, they were permanently stuck on hospital, unable to recognise their own son. That is worse than having his own parent dead. If Severus bullied Neville for this reason, I am truly appalled. I sincerely hope that was not the reason. I wish to believe my once friend still has more good in his heart.

Lastly, what made me disappointed in Severus is what he became. I am happy that he reformed and became a spy for Dumbledore. But while he was a spy, he was also a teacher. As a teacher, he should have been unbiased and fair. But he was anything but that. He was biased for anyone who wasn't his house. One thing that hurt me most was that he became a bully, when he was the victim of bullying. Think about it. Neville's Boggart is Severus. Is it normal for a teacher to be student's greatest fear? I shudder to think about what Severus did to cause this.

Lastly, please understand that Harry is my son and he is also James' son. He is not Sirius, Severus or Remus' son. For Harry to be their son, that means I had an affair on my husband, and I would never do such thing. I love my husband very much.

Sincerely Lily Potter Nee Evans

P.S I do not look like my daughter in law Ginny Potter. We may both have red hair, but even that, I believe is different shade. Mine is more auburn.

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	12. Chapter 12: Sirius Black

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 12: Sirius Black

Dear Fanficiton writers

I was speechless when I saw a fic about me and Moony. We are close, but not that close! Same goes for James and don't even associated me with that dirty rat bastard! I don't swing that way you know. I'll have you know, back when I was at Hogwarts, I had girls lining up to me!

Also, Hermione, Ginny and Luna? Come on. I'm old enough to be their father! Also I would never touch Hermione and Ginny. Certain red and black haired boys have eyes on them. (You know who I'm talking about!)

Lily is my friend and still is. Just like James was my brother in all but blood, Lily was my sister in all but blood.

But something I do like. Associating me with Marlene Mckinnon and Amelia Bones. Now that's a proper story. They were nice girls. I did meet them few times at Hogwarts. If you are going to write about my love life, try to do it with either these two or someone you call OC. Don't know what that is, but still sounds better than Moony, Prongs or Harry's friends.

Also, look. Azkaban is a horrible place that nearly broke me. If it wasn't for the thought about me being innocent and the thought that Harry was out there, I would have lost my mind long time ago. Even after I got out, the damage was still there. I tried my best not to show it to Harry but sometimes, it's hard.

The reason I hated Snivellus and still do is he represented everything I despised. I grew up in dark family who thought muggles were scums. I hated every single thing about it and that was why I was overjoyed to be in Gryffindor. Old Snivellus was a Slytherin (though I don't mind this too much anymore. My brother Reg was a Slytherin. (sigh Reg you stupid idiot...)) and he hanged out with Death Eater wannbes who tormented muggles. That's what made me to resent him so much.

Lastly, you sick people. DO NOT ASSOCIATE ME WITH SNIVELLUS! What were you drinking when you wrote that? I mean, if I had to be hooked with a male character, couldn't it be someone else? I mean WHY HIM?

Sincerely Sirius Black

P.S Sirusly, enough with Serious jokes. The are only funny the first time.

P.P.S No one in my family has name Jacob.

P.P.P.S Also, Prongs asked me to tell you that there were only Marauders at Hogwarts at our time. There was no such thing as female version of Marauders. We were legends that no one could even come close to.

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	13. Chapter 13: Remus Lupin

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 13: Remus Lupin

Dear Fanficiton writers

I love Dora.

Sirius and I are close friends. So is James. So is Lily. Do I love them? Very. Do I want to marry them? No.

Dora is my only love. I love her and Teddy very much. I'm just sorry for Teddy. Sorry I couldn't get to know him.

Hermione and Ginny are too young for me. Sure Dora is bit young, but she's not that young!

One thing that shocked me more than anything. I would NEVER blame Harry for Sirius's death. It was that blasted Bellatrix. I already failed one friend by believing Sirius was guilty for 11 years, I will not fail James and Lily.

Also, I do not have heightened senses or agility. Werewolf are essentially just people who gets turned into a wolf every full moon. There is no benefit whatsoever.

Oh and one last thing. I don't have a blood brother. But even if I did, I seriously doubt my parents would name him Romulus. I mean, are they expecting him to kill me?

Sincerely Remus Lupin

P.S I'm sure Sirius already said it. There is no Jacob in Black family. Also, Sirius and I don't swing that way. Just because a person whose last name is Black and is a werewolf does not make him me and Sirius's son.

P.P.S I only gave people chocolate because of Dementors. This does not make me a chocolate addict. Besides the Dementor incident, has anyone seen me with a chocolate? No.

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	14. Chapter 14: Peter Pettigrew

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 14: Peter Pettigrew

Dear Fanficiton writers

I am not a coward! I did what had my best interest! The Dark Lord would have guaranteed me protection if I gave Lily and James to him!

The Marauders always thought I was an idiot. Well I showed them who the real idiot was! I became a proud and loyal death eater!

I was a Marauder so include me in your stories! Don't pretend I don't exist! I am Peter Pettigrew, the best Marauder of the four!

Sincerely Peter Pettigrew

P.S I will have you know I would never sneak into girl's dormitory and watch girls as Wormtail. I am not a Pedophile. I would go somewhere like Quidditch changing room. Now that's better!

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	15. Chapter 15: Nymphadora Tonks

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 15: Nymphadora Tonks

Dear Fanficiton writers

Remus is my only love.

I don't love Bill. He's nice and all but he's just not my love. Even his mom Molly knew he and I are not meant to be.

Charlie? Sure we went to school together. But that's pretty much it. I was a Hufflepuff and he was a Gryffindor. When we graduated, he went off chasing dragons while I became an auror.

Harry's cute and all but I don't think I will ever love him that way. He was like a little brother I never had.

Also, one thing. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE US BADGERS. Hufflepuff are not where leftovers go. Some people say Adventurers go to Gryffindor, Scholars go to Ravenclaw and Ambitious people go to Slytherin. Do you know what this means? It means people who have all those attribute (bravery, wisdom and ambition) ends up in Hufflepuff because the hat can't place them in those 3 parts! Again, DON'T UNDERESTIMATE US BADGERS.

Sincerely Tonks (NOT Nymphadora!)

P.S I refuse to change any part of my body except my face and hair! I'm not a Nymphomaniac!

P.P.S Bill? Please don't kill my son for snogging your daughter.

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	16. Chapter 16: Alastor Moody

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 16: Alastor Moody

Dear Fanficiton writers

You lot. Constant Vigilance is important. But that's not the only thing I say! I say other things too! The way you write about me is some crazy imbecile who yells CONSTANT VIGILANCE all the time and wave my wand around. I am veteran ex auror! Show some respect!

Also, do you think having a wooden leg and a fake eye is funny? I will give you one and see how much you find it funny! If you actually want to write a story about me, why don't you start by writing about how I got those? I'll be watching closely. Because if it's too close to what actually happened, it means I'm not vigilant enough!

Finally, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Sincerely Alastor "Mad eye" Moody

P.S I'm not Moody. I'm cautious. I'll get you for that Nymphadora.

P.P.S What house was I in? CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Never give away your secret to strangers!

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	17. Chapter 17: Moaning Myrtle

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 17: Moaning Myrtle

Dear Fanficiton writers

I am NOT a whiny perverted ghost who haunts a bathroom! Try being dead for 50 years in such young age! (sniff) You won't be so jolly!

Also, I AM NOT A PERVERT. I only watched Prefect's bath twice! One with that Handsome Cedric Diggory and Harry Potter! I did it only twice! It's not a habit! I also said I had my eyes closed!

Sincerely Moaning Myrtle

P.S Oh just one thing. My full name is Myrtle Elizabeth Warren. Just incase you got curious. No one's curious? (Breaks down into wail and sob)

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	18. Chapter 18: Mrs Figg

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 18: Mrs Figg

Dear Fanficiton writers

I am Squib. Do you know what this means? I am a non magical person born in Wizarding family. I can not do magic. This means, I can't teach at Hogwarts even if I wanted to. I believe you need to be able to do magic if you want to work at Hogwarts.

I know I am a squib who loves cat, and so is Argus. We are not a counterpart or lovers. Unlike that miserable old child hater, I actually like kids!

Sincerely Arabella Figg

P.S No. I know Minerva can turn into cat but I don't think she looks cute.

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	19. Chapter 19: Andromeda Tonks

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 19: Andromeda Tonks

Dear Fanficiton writers

I am deeply disturbed people actually believe I will join the Death Eaters. Why? Is it because I'm a Black? I married a muggle born wizard. The Death Eaters costed me my husband, my daughter and my son in law. They took away almost everyone who was important to me. If it wasn't for dear Teddy, I might not have lived at all. I mean, what would have been the point? I would rather die than join those wretched vermins.

Another thing many people got confused: I am not metamorphmagus and none of my sisters are. Dora didn't get her metamorphmagus ability from me, she got it from Ted. None of the Blacks were metamorphmagus so please keep that in mind.

I would never forgive Narcissa. I haven't considered Bellatrix as my sister for a long time and to me, Narcissa is no different. She may not have been a Death Eater herself but she's no different to me. Her husband and his wretched friends costed me many people. Narcissa is a stuck up Pureblood fanatic and I despise her.

Oh and I am a Slytherin. My husband Ted was a Hufflepuff though. So was my daughter.

Sincerely Andromeda Tonks

P.S Isn't Nymphadora a beautiful name? No?

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	20. Chapter 20: Arthur and Molly Weasley

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 20: Arthur and Molly Weasley

Dear Fanfiction writers

 _Ho ho! Muggles are very fascinating! So many surreal things they come up with!_

 **I quite agree Arthur. Now we would like to set few things straight.**

 _Yes, I am interested in muggles and am proud to say that I am more aware of the muggle lifestyle then some of my fellow wizards (cuff-Malfoy-cuff) but I don't think if I ever lose a job, I would immediately go off to find one in Muggle world. I don't believe I understand it enough to live as a muggle. But I am still working on it!_

 **I am not a mother who will send Howler for every single misdeed my children do. I only do that for something serious, like TAKING A FLYING CAR TO HOGWART!**

 _Also, Molly agreed with me, we love our children very much. But not to the point where we will share beds with them. Molly and I love each other very much you know. I mean, why else do you think we eloped? (Molly giggles)_

 **Also one thing I found to be just insulting. I will never support any of my children to use Love potion. Why, that's just horrendous! If a person has a family with someone under influence of Love Potion, they will never have a genuine family love and that is the most horrifying thing you can make a person do.**

 _As many of you probably knows, Molly and I despise the old tight Pureblood traditions. Us Weasleys support everything that isn't like that. Therefore, we will never sign a betrothal Contract involving anyone, especially our daughter. Our daughter isn't some property we can just ship off to some boy at certain age. She has right to choose someone she loves and loves her back._

 **Also, if you are a mother, I'm sure you understand. I did not want my children to join the Order because it was dangerous. I already lost my brother Fabian and Gideon to Death Eaters and I just couldn't bear the thought of losing any of my children.**

 **One most important thing. I know I am not Harry's mother. I may be his mother figure, his mother in law but never his mother. I understand no matter how much I treat and love Harry like my own, I will never be able to replace dear Lily Potter. I will still love him like my son, especially now that he is my son in law (I knew he will eventually see Ginny differently!) but deep down, I will always remember his real mother, one who sacrificed her life for him.**

Sincerely Arthur and Molly Weasley

P.S What many people don't know is that we didn't go to Hogwarts when the Marauders did. We graduated before they were even 1st year.

P.P.S _Could someone please tell me what the function of a rubber duck is?_

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	21. Chapter 21: Argus Filch

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 21: Argus Filch

Dear Fanfiction writers

I ought to hang you idiots by your thumb with a chain! How dare you portray me as an insufferable creepy cranky man!

I do not sleep with Mrs Norris! She is my familiar. And no, Mrs Norris is not the name of women who abandoned me.

Also another thing. I spat out my drink when I read about me joining and assisting You-Know-Who. I'm a Squib. What purebloods think of as less than a scum. If You-Know-Who ever gets in control of Hogwarts, I am in top of the kill list. I am one of those "things" Death Eaters wants to exterminate.

Lastly, I have never met anyone named Figg. Who is she? Is she a Squib? If she's a Squib and if you are assuming I might know her just because she's a Squib, I am even more insulted. How dare you! Do all you stupid wizards know each other because you are wizards?

Sincerely Argus Filch

P.S As for people who wonder why I work at school when I can't stand kids, I'm a Squib. How many Wizarding shops out there do you think are willing to hire a Squib?

A/N:Thank you all for those who left a review!


	22. Chapter 22: Hedwig

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 22: Hedwig

Hoot terwit terwoo ( **Dear Fanfiction writers** )

Whit woo Screech! Hoot hoot hoot ( **Harry is a great master. I love him dearly. But I don't think Harry ever thinks of me that way. Fortunately, I don't think of him that way either.** )

Hoot hoot tu-whu whit woo ( **I am an ordinary magical snowy owl. Magical means I am able to understand human orders and find locations written in letters. I am not an Animagus, a phoenix or a guardian sent to watch Harry.** )

Screech! Hoot whit woo Hoot hoot ( **Lastly, I don't think a spell that changes animals to humans exist.** )

Hoot Hoot Hoot ( **Sincerely Hedwig** )

P.S Hoot hoot hoot ( **Harry picked a good name for me. St Hedwig was the watcher of Orphans** )

P.P.S Tweet Hoot whit woo Hoot ( **Harry? Please don't blame yourself for my death. It was my choice and I was happy I could go down after protecting you.** )

A/N: I was very sad when I watched Hedwig die in Deathly Hallows part 1. Curse you Rowling! I don't care about that stuff about signifying end of Harry's childhood! WHY DID YOU KILL HER! SHE WAS A GENTLE CREATURE! Thank you all for those who left a review!


	23. Chapter 23: Gilderoy Lockhart

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 23: Gilderoy Lockhart

Dear Fanfiction writers

My my my! I am surprised by the lack of Fanfiction about me, Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin Third Class, Honorary member of- I'm sure all of you know very well about me. I mean, who wouldn't want to find out everything about someone as amazing as me? I am sure all you smart people can whip up an amazing story about my accomplishments!

Also one thing that surprised me. Many people don't seem to know I was a Ravenclaw. I mean, how else would I write such amazing books about my amazing accomplishments? Also, with my Ravenclaw wits, I managed to conquer all the dangers. And good heavens! I was never a Slytherin! I fight against Dark Arts! Not be dark!

Also, rather interesting that many of you seem to think I am an undercover agent for the Auror corps or the Unspeakables. Very interesting, though it is untrue. All my accomplishments, have been published publicly. Check out Magical Me and you will get to see my numerous accomplishments. Interestingly, despite my works, Auror corps or the Unspeakables haven't offered to scout me. Maybe the very idea of having me, Gilderoy Lockhart, made them sigh and be so excited to the point they couldn't even write a letter to me! I wouldn't be surprised! Not with my dashing looks!

Sincerely Gilderoy Lockhart: Order of Merlin Third Class, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award

P.S I know Ms Granger loved me. But alas!, I can not love her back! She is much too young for me. I prefer older witches! Of course, this doesn't mean I blame her for loving me. All the women love me! I'm just irresistible!

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	24. Chapter 24: Blaise Zabini

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 24: Blaise Zabini

Dear Fanfiction writers

You stupid muggles. You can't even get my gender right? I'm a bloody male.

First off, I hate muggles. I am not sympathetic towards them, I believe they are scums. I'm a noble Slytherin for a reason.

Secondly, you lot think that since my mother had numerous husbands, I had to fight for my mother's love and always craved for it. Umm…. What? Where did you even get this idea? I never fought for my mother's love. I don't crave love.

Also, Draco Malfoy and I are acquaintances. We are in the same house and we are both pureblood. We are not friends. And don't you dare associate me with either that Mudblood Granger or Blood traitor Weasley.

Sincerely Blaise Zabini

P.S It's Zabini. Not Zambini.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	25. Chapter 25: Bill

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 25: Bill Weasley

Dear Fanfiction writers

I believe I speak for all the Weasley Brothers when I say we don't mind Harry dated our little sister. Sure, we're bit uncomfortable about our sister having relationship with a boy, but still we know she will choose a right man for her. Also, if anyone met Ginny for more than 5 minute, they will know Ginny is a strong girl who can take care of herself and doesn't need her brothers to protect her. I mean, her Bat Bogey hex? (Shudder) Though, if someone does break her heart, that someone better be prepared to face the wrath of Weasley Brothers.

Also, Fleur is my only love and no, I didn't marry her just because of her looks. I found out that she is more than just a pretty face. I found out her inner beauty about how she is a caring, nice, fearless and compassionate person. Fleur loves me back as well.

Another thing, I am not a Werewolf. Sure, Fenrir Greyback attacked me but he was not in his werewolf state. All I ended up with was a scar on my face and love for raw meat. I don't get flared up easily, I don't go nuts during full moon, I just became a scar faced guy who loves his steak rare.

Please don't pair me with anyone else besides Fleur. Tonks was just a close friend, I love Ginny NOT IN THE WAY SOME PEOPLE THINK, I will not have relationship with Gabrielle. She's much too young.

Sincerely Bill Weasley

P.S I have to go. Fleur's making Steak Taretare tonight. My favorite!

P.P.S As for choice in men, I don't think Victoire could do any better then Teddy. Though, I sincerely wish they snog somewhere where I can't see.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	26. Chapter 26: Charlie

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 26: Charlie Weasley

Dear Fanfiction writers

I DO NOT HAVE A ZOOPHILIA! I love dragons, but that's because they are such an interesting creatures! That's it! You sick people.

Also, can I please have a bigger roles in your fics please? Let me describe myself: second oldest Weasley child, tough, strong, muscly, outdoors and dragon lover. There, is this enough to give me a bigger role? I hope instead of just killing me off in some battle, now you will give me some more roles.

I am a single because I chose to be single. I am not single because I couldn't find a nice women, and no I don't swing the other way. Lastly, the joke "Charlie will start dating if someone finds a spell that turns dragon into people" is only funny the first time.

Sincerely Charlie Weasley

P.S Nightfury, Dragonite and Luck dragons do not exist.

P.P.S It's Charlie with an I. Not Charley.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	27. Chapter 27: Percy

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 27: Percy Weasley

Dear Fanfiction writers

I'm sorry ok! I was a ministry loving family betraying prat! I get that, and I regret it every day.

I understand I sounded like an annoying git back at Hogwarts. I was a Prefect and a Head boy. It is their duty to enforce the rule. I was trying to make sure my brothers and sister didn't get themselves in trouble!

Also for the whole fiasco with Crouch and Fudge? I admit it. I was an idiot. I was too blindly trusting with authorities. I should have known when Fudge just suddenly gave me a promotion, especially when my previous boss got killed.

I guess I let my ambition cloud myself a bit. I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to be successful and be loved by my family. I just should have known earlier they always loved me and didn't care if I was a high ministry official or not.

But still, I am appalled and shocked to see some people accuse me of being a Death Eater. No matter what I do and no matter what I say, I am a Weasley and a supporter of light. I will never join the Death Eaters or You-Know-Who. That's going against everything my family stands for.

I was a git and a prat. But I apologized to my family. I still have guilt to this day, and wonder if I should have died instead of Fred. (Sigh) Fred? I miss you. Someone like me who betrays his family should have died, not you.

Sincerely Percy Weasley

P.S Please don't pair me with Penelope. She was a nice girl but we went our separate ways. We haven't seen each other for a long time. I perfectly love my wife Audrey.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	28. Chapter 28: George

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 28: George Weasley

Dear Fanfiction writers

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Twincest! That's gotta be the most funniest and grossest thing I've ever heard!

Lee is a great friend of mine and Fred. But we don't love him like that. That's because he is not worthy enough to receive the love of amazing Weasley twins. (Evil laughter)

Ickle Gin Gin is nice and all and Fred and I love her alot. But we prefer women who isn't a red head. We grew up watching too many red heads so not really our taste.

Hermione? The Gryffindor bookworm who managed to capture the heart our dear old Ronnikens? No thanks. Hermione and Ronnikens are doing fine.

Katie and Alicia are good friends. I did not go out with them. They were just very close friend of mine and Fred's and happened to be on the same Quidditch team.

My wife Angelina did not date Fred. They went to the Yule Ball once and that's it. They didn't date, snog or go on Hogsmeade dates.

Sincerely George Weasley and on behalf of Fred

P.S Twins share everything. That is, everything except girl friends.

P.P.S Freddie? How's it up there? Still missing you alot.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	29. Chapter 29: Hagrid

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 29: Rubeus Hagrid

Dear Fanfiction writers

Me and Olyme were jus friends!

She was nice and big but she and me were jus not meant to be yeh know.

I don't think there is any women fer me! And no, Harry's friends are too young for me! Hermione, Ginny and Luna are much too young! I'm more than 60 years old! I don't think Harry or Ron appreciates yeh writin about their wives like that.

I hate Tom Riddle. He nearly got poor Aragog killed! Ruddy bastard. Glad he's dead and no longer torments cute little spiders.

Sincerely Rubeus Hagrid

P.S What's a pokemon?

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	30. Chapter 30: Kreacher

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 30: Kreacher

Dear Fanfiction writers

Kreacher hates serving traitorous master Sirius who broke poor mistress's heart. But Kreacher will never kill himself without the Master's direct order.

Kreacher will never kill himself or run away before completing Master Regulus's task. Master Regulus ordered Kreacher to destroy the locket and Kreacher would never die before doing that.

Kreacher will not serve the Dark Lord. Master Regulus bravely died defying the Dark Lord. Master Regulus would be displeased if Kreacher did not follow what he did. Kreacher will always be loyal to Master Regulus and new Master Harry Potter.

Sincerely Kreacher

P.S Kreacher, the servant of noble house of Blacks, is spelled K-R-E-A-C-H-E-R. Not creature. (stupid muggles and half bloods….)

P.P.S Master Regulus? Did Kreacher serve you well?

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	31. Chapter 31: Cedric Diggory

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 31: Cedric Diggory

Dear Fanfiction writers

Alright enough! I am not a vampire.

Also, I am not jealous of Harry. Poor boy was forced into the competition and was in severe disadvantage. Why would I be jealous of him? I am a Hufflepuff, and being a Hufflepuff does not make you an idiot.

Harry and I were good friends. But we do not love each other. Harry doesn't swing that way and neither do I. I dated Cho and I'm pretty sure anyone can see she's a girl.

Harry and Cho stories? Don't really mind. If they love each other a lot, who am I to say anything about it? I mean, I don't think I should care about dating anymore since I'm dead.

Also, I get that Cho's patronus is a Swan. But her last name isn't! Bella? As in Bellatrix Lestrange? You-Know-Who's top death eater?

Sincerely Cedric Diggory

P.S Please stop calling me shovel face.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	32. Chapter 32: McGonagall

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 32: Minerva McGonagall

Dear Fanfiction writers

I would like to tell you that being an Animagus is an extremely hard and long process. Even if 10 most brilliant minded wizards collaborate, it would take at least handful of months. If a student ever attempts, I would say it will take at least an year!

The process of becoming an Animagus is that you first have to hold a leaf of a mandrake in your mouth for a month. That already a month gone so becoming an animagus can never happen in mere month. Then you use the leaf to create the potion and recite Amato Animo Animato Animagus on daily basis. It's not something that can be achieved in mere month.

Also, a person can only have one form of animals. There has never been a wizard or a witch with multiple form.

Albus was my mentor and a friend. We are not lovers. Albus is old enough to be my father for goodness sake! Severus is not my lover either. He is nothing more then a colleague to me. We are not close at all. With the way he treats my Lions, how do you expect us to be a close friend? My only love will be my deceased husband, Elphinstone Urquart.

Sincerely Minerva McGonagall

P.S Anyone who calls me Minnie will have 100000 points taken away and serve detention with Mr Filch everyday for the rest of the term.

P.P.S Seriously Potter. What were you thinking when you were naming your firstborn? Is this a sign for me to retire?

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	33. Chapter 33: Fleur

Angry letter to writers

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I've been busy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 33: Fleur Weasley

Dear Fanfiction writers

Everyone, Bill izz my love. Why izz it so hard to understand?

I did not charm Bill like zome people think! I wanted a 'usband who loves me for not my looks but for who I am in inzide.

'Arry is a good kid! Of course, I no longe think he's just a " _leetle boy"._ 'Arry is a brave man. He an I are close friends. We do not love each other like some people think! We are close friends.

Only Weasley I would 'ave as my 'usband is Bill. He is handsome, charming and brave person! I would not care even if 'ees was a werewolf! Other Weasleys are great people, though not someone I could love like Bill.

One last thing. Veelas are not beautiful slags! Veelas are proud and noble creatures! Veelas can lure people but they do not 'ave sex with anyone! Veelas like to look for mates that sees us more than our looks! If anyone beelieves Veelas are slags, _Va te faire foutre_.

Sincerely Fleur Weasley (Nee Delacour)

P.S Gabrielle 'as a crush on 'Arry but 'Arry agrees that she izz too young for 'Arry.

A/N: Sorry for this lousy french accent. I had almost no clue on how to write this. I tried my best so please don't kill me! By the way, what the French part says is a swear word that pretty much means go **** yourself. Thank you all for those who left a review!


	34. Chapter 34: Viktor

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 34: Viktor Krum

Dear Fanfiction writers

Herm-own-ninny and I are just friends. We vent to Ball together as a friend. She vas the only girl who didn't see me as a Quidditch star.

I know I go to Durmstrang, but I am not Dark! My grandfather was killed by Gellert Grindelwald, and he is a evil dark wizard!

I know Durmstrang studies dark arts, vot that is so ve can defend ourselves better! I don't hate muggles, I asked Herm-own-ninny who's a muggle for a ball. Muggles are not bad.

Harry is my friend. We vere close during the Triwizard and so vas Cedric. I am still very sorry I tortured Fleur. I veely didn't know vat I vas doing.

Sincerely Viktor Krum

P.S Herm-own-ninny said that's not how you pronounce her name. Can anyone please help me pronounce Herm-own-ninny's name?

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	35. Chapter 35: Seamus

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 35: Seamus Finnigan

Dear Fanfiction writers

I get it! I was an idiot for accusing Harry of lying in my 5th year. I was an idiot. But I decided to trust what he said later remember? I'm a proud Dumbledore's army member you know.

Look, I admit I looked like a prat for accusing Harry like that but that does not mean I am a Death eater! I mean, I'm a Half blood! Death eaters thinks Half bloods are scums! Why would I join those crazy maniacs?

Lastly, I'm Irish and I'm proud. And seriously, Irish Chocolate? Really? I'm straight you know, I mean I whoo the ladies but did I ever whoo guys? I don't think so.

Sincerely Seamus Finnigan

P.S I am not a man whore of Gryffindor! True, ladies love me but I don't sleep around with all of them!

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	36. Chapter 36: Dean

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 36: Dean Thomas

Dear Fanfiction writers

Why am I portrayed as this spiteful guy who hates Harry and Ginny's relationship? Ginny and I broke up before she dated Harry. We were just better off as friends. I have absolutely no reason to be spiteful or jealous.

Harry is a good guy. I respect him for standing up to the ministry and being the leader of the DA. He even saved my life you know! Who know what would have happened to me if Harry didn't rescue me at the Malfoy manor?

Lastly, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? ME AND SEAMUS ARE FRIENDS! CLOSE FRIENDS BUT NOT THAT CLOSE. Doesn't the fact that I dated Ginny indicate that I'm straight? I am 100% sure Seamus doesn't swing this way either.

Sincerely Dean Thomas

P.S GO WEST HAM!

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	37. Chapter 37: Flitwick

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: Sorry for such a delay. I've been trying to come up with new ideas and I've been busy lately.

Chapter 37: Fillius Flitwick

Dear Fanfiction writers

Ok, I understand that I have a goblin ancestry somewhere in my lineage. But I am a wizard. I was raised as a wizard. Currently, I do not have a goblin as a member of my family. This means that I am not aware of the goblin culture or customs or the way the goblin society works. Sorry. If you want to find out about those, I suggest you go see a real goblin.

Pomona and Minerva are my colleague and that's about it. We are never romantically involved. Why, I believe I'm rather old to me in love!

Sincerely Fillius Flitwick

P.S Mr Potter in Ravenclaw? I'm sure he would have done really well!

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	38. Chapter 38: Cho

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 37: Cho Chang

Dear Fanfiction writers

Why am I always portrayed as whiny dumb obsessive crying bitch? Cut me some slacks please. Think about it. If your girlfriend or boyfriend recently died, wouldn't you be crying? I really did love Cedric.

I'm not dumb. I'm an eagle for a reason. The Marietta incident? I'm sorry! Looking back, I really shouldn't have defended her like that! What she did was inexcusable.

Harry and I were just not meant to be. I guess I clinged on to Harry because I needed support after Cedric's death. Why should I care if Harry goes around dating others? We were just better off not dating each other.

Also, that Lovegood girl? I never bullied her! I mean, I get that she is being bullied by other Claws but not by me! Firstly, I have no reason to do so. Secondly, I hardly know her that well! I mean, we have a bit of a age difference. I don't have much interaction with her. Think about it: if I was a bully, would Cedric go out with me? Cedric is smarter than to date a bully.

Look, I really loved Cedric and I will miss him forever but I came to deal with his death. I am now happily married to a muggle man and living a happy life. I heard Harry married that Weasley girl, Jenny (that's her name I think. Or is it something else?) and I am happy for him.

Sincerely Cho Chang

P.S Who's Bella Swan?

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	39. Chapter 39: Slytherin girls

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 38: Slytherin girls (Millicent Bulstrode, Tracey Davis, Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass)

Dear Fanfiction writers

Us Slytherin girls each have something we would like to say.

 _I know I am no Veela but will you quit calling me a female Crabbe and Goyle? That's just an insult to the Bulstrode family! Yeah, I'm a big girl. But am I as big as Crabbe and Goyle? No. No one in Hogwarts is as dumb and big as them._

 **Umm… When has it ever been said that I was a Half Blood? I'm a Davis. I'm not a "half blood" who get bullied in Slytherin for being a non pureblood. How did you muggles even come up with that? A non pureblood in Slytherin? Really?**

 _ **How dare you filthy mudbloods accuse me of sleeping around with all the Slytherin boys! I am a Proud Pureblood! I do not give out my body to just anyone! You fucking mudbloods are just disgusting and should be exterminated! And you better pair me up with Draco! He just can't see right now we are perfect for each other! Still waiting for you Draco!**_

Why am I so popular with Potter? I mean, I don't think I ever met him. He's a Gryffindor and I'm a Slytherin. We don't really meet each other much. Also, "Ice Queen of Slytherin". Seriously, who came up with that? I see the story always goes like this: Granger and Weasley abdnonds Potter, I befriend him, tell him he's an all mighty rich lord and we get married. Yeah. I'm no expert at Goblin business but I know clearly Goblins don't hide heritages. Also, let's say the goblins did. Wouldn't SOMEONE besides me tell Potter about that way earlier? Lastly, when I get paired with Potter, why is my sister Astoria involved as well? The Wizarding world allows only one spouse. That's it. Also, kindly refrain yourself from pairing me with Draco. He's my brother in law, not my husband.

Sincerely Slytherin girls (Millicent Bulstrode, Tracey Davis, Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass)

P.S _**I'm not Pug faced!**_

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	40. Chapter 40: Neville

Angry letter to writers

A/N: So so so sorry I haven't updated for so long. I'm sorry. I've been busy. Don't worry. I will NEVER abandon my stories. That goes same with other stories I'm working on. Without further ado, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 40: Neville Longbottom

Dear Fanfiction writers

Luna is a very close friend. That's it. We got close through DA and we got even close at my 7th grade, where me, Luna and Ginny were leading the DA. But we are just friends. I love Hannah alot.

Ginny? Also a close friend. Sure, we went to the Yule Ball together but that was as a friend. I could see who she really wanted to go with. "cuff"Harry"cuff". Frankly, I don't think she would want to date someone who nearly broke her toe while dancing.

Hermione? Again, close friend who was very helpful at class. Besides, anyone could see she had her eye on one guy. "cuff"Ron"cuff"

My gran is strict. She expects me to be as great as my parents. But she still loves me. She always wanted to toughen me up so I won't be a disgrace to me parents name. In the end, she proudly told me my parents would be very proud of me.

Although it is a bit of shame I didn't get to finish that Bellatrix bitch, I'm still glad someone took care of her. Thank you Mrs Weasley!

Sincerely Neville Longbottom

P.S Trevor asked me to tell you to kindly stop associating him with certain blood quill using pink hag.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	41. Chapter 41: Teddy

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 41: Teddy Lupin

Dear Fanfiction writers

I'm not a werewolf. I just get very grouchy in full moon.

I'm a Hufflepuff like my mom. While Harry would have been extremely happy if I was a Gryffindor, I ended up in Hufflepuff. Harry was still happy though. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE US PUFFS.

One thing I would like to tell you is that I'm dating Victoire. She's a great women. No, I'm not dating Lily. For one thing, she's too young. I know what some of you are saying. Your dad had bit of a thing for younger women. I guess you are right. But thing is, with Harry and Ginny acting like my foster parents, I always viewed Lily as a foster sister.

Finally, my parents unfortunately didn't have a portrait of themselves. I never got a chance to talk to them.

Harry and Ginny and the Weasleys always made sure I felt like their blood son and I love them greatly.

Sincerely Teddy Lupin

P.S My name is Edward Remus Lupin. Not Theodore.

P.P.S Mr Weasley? Please don't kill me for snogging your daughter.

P.P.P.S Mom? Dad? Still missing you alot.

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	42. Chapter 42: James Sirius Potter

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 42: James Sirius Potter

Dear Fanfiction writers

You sick people. They are my cousins/sister/mom/aunt! I get that I am amazingly good looking, but I prefer girls who have no blood relation with me whatsoever!

I'm also doing my best to live up to my name. Yep, Minnie nearly fainted when she read my name. Such a nice teacher. (snigger)

It would be great if Al and Lily becomes a Gryffindor but frankly, I wouldn't mind if they ended up somewhere else. Even Slytherin. What kind of a big brother would I be if I am not supportive of my siblings?

Lastly, it's James. Not Jamie.

Sincerely James Sirius Potter

P.S GRYFFINDOR FOREVER!

P.P.S Lilykins and Ferret 2nd? Nah. More like bookworm and Ferret 2nd!

P.P.P.S What's an OC?

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


	43. Chapter 43: Albus Severus Potter

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 43: Albus Severus Potter

Dear Fanfiction writers

Ok, ok! I know. What the heck were my parents drinking?

First off. I'm straight. Yeah. Scorpius is a close friend. Lets leave it there. Besides, he has an eye on certain someone. (cough-Rose-cough)

Another thing, I love my mom alot. But not in a way some of you stupid twisted people think. I mean seriously? What the hell?

Me and my dad have pretty good relationship. I mean, sure, it's not easy being the son of "Boy-who-lived" (those this title make sense anymore? He's no longer a boy), "Chosen one" and "savior of wizarding world". But dad knows that and treats me, James, Lily and Teddy with extra love. He always said "I hated my fame when I was young, it's probably hard for you guys as well."

Lastly. My name. Let's talk about that again. Yes, it's not the best name in the world. But hey, I mean I could have been named something like "Dudley" or "Tom". I guess I can't complain too much.

Sincerely Albus Severus Potter

P.S Anyone care for some lemon drops? This stuff is highly addictive!

A/N: Sorry for the late update. I've been busy with work lately, not to mention I had to sort out my other fics. Thank you all for those who left a review!


	44. Chapter 44: Lily Luna Potter

Angry letter to writers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 44: Lily Luna Potter

Dear Fanfiction writers

Hi! I'm Lily Luna Potter! Youngest Potter child!

My daddy is the greatest daddy in the world! He plays with me and reads to me at night! Daddy loves Auntie Hermione, Fleur, Angie and Luna. But my daddy loves my mommy the mostest!

I love Teddy! He's my biggest brother! My daddy said even though his name is Lupin, he's always a honorary Potter to us! I think Teddy loves Victoire. Victoire is his girlfriend and I'm Teddy's little sister.

Scorpius is Al's friend. He's nice. But I think he likes Rosie. Rosie said she doesn't like him but I saw her face getting red whenever I talked about Scorpius. (I think she likes him!)

And… I really like dogs! I found a big black doggy and I begged daddy to let me keep it! Daddy looked bit sad when I showed him my doggy. I asked if he didn't like him and daddy said something about "old memory". Daddy and mommy had tears in their eyes when I said I wanted to call him Snuffles. Is it that funny to make my mommy and daddy cry like that?

Sincerely Lily Luna Potter

P.S What's a P.S?

P.P.S Mommy taught me a hex this weekend! It's called Bat bogey hex! Why do my uncles look so scared?

A/N: Thank you all for those who left a review!


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